Secrets and Lies
by ClaireBear1982
Summary: James and Lily have started dating (at long last!) Problem is, Lily has questions. Questions that pose problematic answers. Will James hold his reserve?


A/N: Written for QLFC. Write about your OTP keeping a secret. My OTP is Jily. Captain of the Wimbourne Wasps piece.

James and Lily had been dating for several weeks, much to James's surprise. He didn't ever think he'd forget that day: the day that Lily had finally said yes. The moment the word "yes" fell from Lily's lips James had grabbed her around the waist and spun her round and round, such was his giddy delight. Lily had laughed and laughed. So had the rest of the Gryffindor common room. That is, until James had lowered her to the ground and kissed her. The common room had gone unnaturally quiet, the only noise heard was the crackle of the fire, and Sirius wolf whistling.

"Finally! Maybe now we'll get some peace instead of listening to Prongs lamenting the fact he can't get Lily," Sirius had said to Remus in relief.

But Remus was uncomfortable. He was so scared Lily would find out his secret, the Marauders secret; the things his friends did for him every month on a full moon. He couldn't stand it if Lily rejected him. She was one of his best friends and study buddy. The one person he could talk to about the sensible stuff like school work and what they planned to do with their lives after school. Though Remus would lie about his life after school. There was nothing he could do, not with his condition.

"Moony, there's no need to look so worried. You can trust James not to break his promise to you," Sirius reassured him, having seen the worried look in his eyes.

"But what happens around the full moon? What is James going to tell Lily he's doing?" questioned Remus.

"We'll think of something, mate. We're the Marauders after all! Mischief managed and all that," said Sirius tipping a wink, but Remus just grimaced.

"Lily, you've made me so happy," said James lovingly.

They were sitting in the shade of the big beech tree by the Black Lake, all wrapped up in cloaks, scarves, and gloves as the day was fiercely frosty, but clear and sunny.

Lily smiled hugely at James. The soppy prat. She couldn't believe it when the word 'yes' slipped so easily this time from her lips. She couldn't figure out what had changed about him this year. Maybe it was because he'd finally grown up. He was Head Boy now, and he was doing a very admirable job. He was Quidditch Captain too, and he was leading them in fine fashion. He wasn't showboating half as much as he used to, and he was working harder than in previous years.

"I'm happy too James, happier than I could ever imagine, if I'm honest."

James squeezed Lily harder to his side, and kissed her forehead. He was still revelling in the smell and taste of Lily, she was so delicious. He could just eat her.

"Tell me about yourself," said Lily suddenly after a few moments silence.

"What do you want to know?" asked James with a smile.

"Everything. The good. The bad. You know."

"Well, my name is James Charlus Potter. I'm 18 in March, the twenty seventh; I live with my mother, Dorea Potter, in a manor in Lincolnshire."

"Oh, what happened to your father?" Lily interrupted.

"He died during the end of last year. Dragon Pox got him," supplied James sadly.

"Oh, James, I'm so sorry!" Lily said in a small voice. "I lost my mum in the summer holidays, Cancer."

James pulled Lily's face towards his, tears were coursing their way down her cheeks.

"Oh Holy Circe, Lily! I am so sorry."

"It's fine James. I'm still trying to get used to the fact that she won't be there when I go home during the holidays. My one comforting thought is that my sister is still at home and can look after dad," sniffed Lily.

James did the only thing he could think of to take her mind of her mother: he kissed her slowly and passionately. When they broke the kiss both of them were breathless, but smiling.

"Thanks James. Carry on, tell me about yourself. Oh just one thing; do you know what's up with Remus? Every month he disappears off to the hospital wing every night during the full moon... Strange, no?"

_Oh shit!_ thought James. He knew what Lily was implying, but he couldn't tell her she was right!

"I don't know what you mean," replied James delicately.

"Every month, around the full moon, he says he has to go home and visit his sick father, but when I've been on early patrol, I've seen him sitting in the hospital wing."

James' heart by this point was thumping hard and his mouth had gone dry. "Oh shit!" had become a mantra in his head. How was he going to reply to this one?

"I really don't know, Lily. Look, shall we go back inside? I've gotten kind of chilled," said James distractedly.

James hastily rose to his feet, pulling Lily with him. He didn't want to start this relationship with secrets and lies, but he couldn't betray Remus. This relationship was so new, so tentative, he really didn't want to screw it up. But he knew he had no choice but to lie to protect one of his best friends.

"Lily, about Remus. I really don't know anything, he tells me the same. Maybe Madam Pomfrey has to give him something to calm him. I know I was a wreck at the thought of seeing my dad whilst he was ill," James said quickly to placate Lily's curiosity.

"Hm, maybe," Lily said distantly, her quick mind working.

They climbed the staircases in silence. At the portrait hole James gave Lily a quick kiss and hastily crossed the common room. He ascended the boys dormitory staircase two steps at a time, and busted in to find the other three sitting on Sirius's bed playing Exploding Snap. James slammed the door shut and threw himself down on his bed.

"Whoa! Prongs! What's up?" asked Sirius in concern. "Lily hasn't dumped you already has she?"

"We have a huge problem. Lily is, I think, close to figuring out what Moony is," came James's muffled voice from his pillow.

"WHAT?" squawked Remus.

"What happened?" whispered Peter.

James sat up and scrubbed his face with his hand.

"She asked me to tell her about myself, so I told her my name, age, and that I live in Lincolnshire, and that dad died end of last year. She interrupted and told me she'd lost her mum during the summer, I kissed her. She asked me to carry on, and then asked if I knew what was up with Remus every month around the full moon. I kind of panicked and asked her to come back inside. I told her that Remus told me the same. And then she told me when she'd been on early patrol she'd seen him sitting in the hospital wing! I told her that Madam Pomfrey was likely giving him a calming draught before leaving to see his dad, but I'm not sure she believed me," James said quickly.

"Oh shit!" spat Sirius.

"My sentiments exactly, mate," said James distractedly.

"I'm going to have to leave. I'm going to see Dumbledore now," said Remus, standing quickly.

"No, mate, your not. Even if Lily does figure it out, or worse: we tell her, I'll swear her to secrecy, I promise. We can trust Lily," said James quickly, diving from the bed to the door to block it.

"She'll hate me, James. She won't want anything to do with me ever again," whispered Remus sadly.

"Lily? Seriously?" said Sirius.

"I don't think so, Moony. Lily isn't prejudice. Remember when Sally Whittaker and Bethany Young come out as dating? All that backlash. Lily was the one to talk everyone round and all that," said James fondly.

"This is different. Now please move. I need to go and see the headmaster," said Remus.

"Please, Moony, don't," begged Peter.

"It'll be fine, I promise," said Sirius, taking Remus by the shoulders and pulling him towards him and into a hug.

"Gerroff Sirius," said Remus crossly. "Okay, okay. I give."

Sirius smiled and winked at Remus. Remus rolled his eyes and plonked down on his bed.

_A few days later. _

James and Lily had just finished up the monthly Prefect meeting and were alone together in the Heads' office.

"James, I'm sorry if I pried the other day, but my curiosity got the better of me. I won't ask again," said Lily, a hint of hurt in her voice.

"Lily, my love, I can't tell you anymore than what you know because that's what Remus tells us Marauders too," replied James in an unthinking moment.

"About that. Why are you lot called the Marauders? Those nicknames you have for each other, what do they mean?" asked Lily tentatively.

_Oh shit!_ thought James again. If he wasn't carefully guarded he'd spill every single secret he held in his heart.

"Oh, you know, it's a man thing is all. Just something we started as boys and have gotten so ingrained with doing that. It's just an unconscious thing now," James replied guardedly and as lightly as possible.

"But why?..."

"Lils, can we get finished up? It's just gone ten and I have a Quidditch match in the morning," said James rather more sharply than he intended.

He couldn't look at Lily, but he heard her take a sharp breath in. James felt like complete trash. He was lying and keeping secrets, and he was racked with so much guilt it hurt his heart.

"I'm sorry Lils. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm tired."

James rose from the desk where he'd been finishing the minutes log, strode over to Lily, and wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. He felt Lily stiffen under his touch.

"You know, James, if you couldn't tell me, why didn't you just say that? You could have just said 'I can't tell you, it's a secret'. I would completely understand! But no, you had to be a complete ass about it!" stormed Lily, her normally green eyes, soft and warm, were hard and cold.

She used her butt to push James off and stalked out of the office. James groaned and sank down into a seat at the prefects desk.

_I'm going to lose her at this rate_, was all James could think, and the truth of the matter was, he probably would. That was where Sirius found him minutes later.

"Again?" asked Sirius, one eyebrow raised, his arms folded over his chest as he leaned against the door frame.

James just let out a low groan and ran his fingers through his black tousled hair.

"Yes mate, again." said James on a sigh.

"What was it this time?" asked Sirius with an amused smirk.

"She wanted to know why we're called the Marauders and what our nicknames meant. I kinda snapped."

"You know, you dating Evans is doing more harm than good," replied Sirius, looking at his nails.

James threw Sirius a dirty look.

"It's no good looking at me like that, Prongs. Come on lets go, we have a Quidditch match in the morning."

"I'll meet you in the dorm, I need to finish up here."

"Suit yourself."

After Sirius had gone, James sat in the silence of the office and thought hard about what to do. He would have to, for now, keep telling Lily lies and keep the secrets he'd sworn to uphold. He didn't like it, but it was necessary to protect all that he held dear. He needed to give their relationship more time before he told her. Oh he would tell her, but just not yet. He wasn't ready.


End file.
